WTF Do I Wear To a Wedding With a Made-Up Dress Code?
Plus, it's not your mother’s ‘mother of the bride’ fashion anymore
Hey WNVM-ers,
Happy unofficial start to summer and official wedding season! It's Fawnia here again. Back in the days of fun Twitter, I remember someone said that freelance journalists should find and build a niche. Somehow, I found two: costume design in film and TV and weddings! (Super niche.) So I’m here with some service journalism about how to navigate the increasingly confusing dress codes of Gen Z (and some millennial) weddings, move beyond the outdated and unappealing “mother of the bride” options (and terminology), and, most importantly, have fun!
Cheryl, who is back from two weeks of hard-core Sandwich Generation-ing with her graduating college student and visiting parents, has been curating crucial news links with her signature take. (Does the world need a new “Star Search”? Well, it’s getting one.)
Per usual, you may need to read the entire newsletter in your browser. And, if you’re feeling generous, and want to raise a figurative glass of celebratory champagne, please give us a heart at the bottom of the post.
It’s a Nice Day for a White Wedding
How to decipher those made-up dress codes, not end up in wedding fashion jail, and find the perfect ‘mother of the bride’ look that’s not anything like your mom’s
By Fawnia
Huzzah because it's officially wedding season! I love weddings — the excuse to dress up, party with friends and family, drink too much champagne, and sloppy dance to all the nostalgic bangers of yore. Of course, at this point in my life, I’ve reached auntie status at Gen Z weddings, where I hope they’ll still throw me a bone and put Erasure’s “Oh L’Amour” on the playlist. I’m also enjoying the relaxation of traditional wedding etiquette, like throwing a chic dinner or full-on dance party in lieu of a ceremony and reception — which I should note that my Gen X friends have also done. (Hi friend of WNVM, Lynn!)
But one aspect of these newfangled weddings does throw me. Back in the day, some things were a bit easier: like how we bought an entire album for just one song and physically went to the mall to buy clothes. We also only had two dress codes: black-tie or semi-formal/cocktail.
But lately, couples — especially Zoomers who treasure personalization and individuality — concoct very creative and specific, yet often vague, dress codes. A celebratory weekend with multiple events may feature themes like “Cowboy Cocktail,” “Island Elegance,” and, “Festival Chic.” Fashion is a top priority. The wedding version of red carpet stylists have become hot hires to help source and plan looks for couples, their wedding parties, and even their guests.
But with all this choice and guidance, determining exactly what to wear to a wedding this summer may feel extra confusing. So I jumped on Zoom with fashion editor, bridal stylist, and all-around cool person I know from “Bridal Week1,” Corinne Pierre-Louis, to walk us through deciphering the style directives to make both the couple and yourself happy.
We also discussed the evolution of “mother of the bride” style. Sorry for the super-gendered and outdated term, but in this case, the staid offerings out there for Gen X women — mothers, aunties, VIP guests — continues to reflect how society views and dismisses a cohort that includes the likes of Victoria Beckham, Jennifer Lopez, and Taraji P. Henson. Gen X women outspend consumers from the earlier and later generations by 44%, but less than 5% of marketing strategies in the US target women over 50.
“The industry just doesn’t fully cater to this new era of moms,” says Pierre-Louis. “There's still this notion that most moms want to wear traditional ‘mother of the bride looks’ when I don't think that's the case.”
So, we get into how to move past the dusty designation and gatekeepers, but first we need to interpret those dress codes.
Enjoy All the Resources
You may initially balk and bristle at the thought of esoteric dress codes. (Omg, what would I have done? “Indie-Sleaze Winery Chic?” Do you hate me?) Call it controlling — semantics — but today’s couples really do give you all the tools to carry out their sartorial directives, and hopefully have fun with it.
“Mood boards are the biggest trend and helpful,” says Pierre-Louis. “So guests can get an idea [of the theme]. I've been to over 30 or 40 weddings as a guest, and it's nerve wracking. I went to a wedding last year and it was ‘Tropical Formal.’”
The collages — usually featuring movie/TV scenes, celebs, runway looks, outfits from preferred brands, suggested color palettes, etc. — are usually available on the wedding website, or disseminated via email. Some couples may include links directing you to where and what to shop, and even provide “how to dress” articles on their websites for further direction. “Like, ‘Please read this article before [beforehand],’” says Pierre-Louis.
But, if you’re still feeling unsure about, oh, “Space Disco Cowboy” or “Burning Man Formal” (I need to see photos from that one), just go old school and ask someone. Pierre-Louis suggests first looking on the website for a designated wedding party member or planner contact — or just ask the source.
“I don't think it's taboo to reach out to the couple, because they would appreciate it more if you ask questions rather than show up to their wedding wearing something completely out of the box,” says Pierre-Louis.
But, wait, why do they care so much about how we dress?
As someone whose wedding pre-dated Instagram, I can say the explanation is generational.
“Because of social media, a lot of couples are looking to be published more than before,” says Pierre-Louis. Of course, they want the hopefully-viral Instagram and TikTok content, and to re-up for anniversaries, but it goes further. Forget the New York Times “Weddings and Engagements” pages. Now couples aim for features in Vogue Weddings and Over the Moon, founded by a former Vogue editor — and will even hire PRs and social media managers to make it happen.
“The Gen Z group, and also Millennials, they're in that age of engagement, and the aesthetic [is important],” continues Pierre-Louis. “So if they create this theme with a dress code, their photos [need to be] cohesive.”
Don’t Flout the Code
“Obviously, if a couple dreamed up a dress code, like ‘Tropical Glam,’ they want people to show up that way,” says Pierre-Louis.
I then thought of my husband, whom I foolishly trusted to follow a mood board-supported “dressy casual” directive. Sans my oversight, he ended up packing faded jeans, a linen shirt, and bad sneakers. (I’m so sorry, Lynn.) So what consequences have dress-code violators faced?
“I have heard a story of a bride telling her bridesmaids to ask the person to change, or giving them a jacket to cover up,” says Pierre-Louis. (Free suggestion to wedding planners: Keep on-theme scarves and jackets on hand to quickly remedy any wardrobe transgressions.)
Pierre-Louis also recalls a couple who couldn’t bring themselves to disinvite an offending immediate family member from the photo opp. “She just photoshopped her out [before] publishing,” says Pierre-Louis.
Not Your Mother’s ‘Mother of the Bride’ Fashion
Speaking of immediate family members who will need to be in the pics, mothers of the betrothed want an extra special outfit that expresses their significance to the day.
“When it comes to fashion, the moms are now taking the spotlight,” says Pierre-Louis, who also sometimes styles her clients’ family members. “They don't want to wear the typical ‘mother-of-the-bride’ look: capes, a lot of the sequins, and the same column silhouette with the chiffon and flowy look. They want something fitted, but they also want something that feels like themselves.”
Pierre-Louis finds that her mom clients want to walk the balance of feeling contemporary, even a little sexy, and authentic to their personal style but not looking “matronly,” which tends to be what the market pushes.
“The options are getting better, but it's either very matronly or very trendy, and there's not that much in between,” says Pierre-Louis, who finds some clients opting for custom-designs. “So a lot of the moms are like, ‘Well, I'm just gonna make my own look because there's nothing that fits that in between.’”
Like Daughter, Like Mother
Some wedding brands also design evening/ready-to-wear lines, which Pierre-Louis’ mom clients will peruse while accompanying on wedding dress appointments. She’s a fan of Amsale, founded by the late Amsale Aberra, who’s known as the pioneer of the modern wedding dress. Back in 2022, I spoke with Amsale’s Chief Creative Officer Sarah Swann about elevating the ready-to-wear designs with fashion-fluent Gen X clientele in mind. The current offerings feature chic, elegant, and modern silhouettes, sophisticated prints, and, my fave, a bubble hem. (I also just love the family-owned brand and their team.)
“Moms have purchased some of Andrew Kwon’s looks for their daughters’ weddings,” adds Pierre-Louis. The wunderkind bridal designer launched his evening-wear line in 2023 — inspired by Nicole Kidman’s 2004 Chanel No. 5 commercial. Just ask Kwon’s own ultra-chic mom, whom he often designs for — and Lucy Liu, who wore a custom dress for a Shazam red carpet premiere.
Pierre-Louis also suggests Marchesa, Monique Lhuillier, and Sachin & Babi. I’d add “Making the Cut” winner Andrea Pitter’s Pantora and Colombia-based Francesca Miranda, whose glamorous founder is the best marketing for her self-named label. Galia Lahav custom-designed Dorothea Bongiovi’s dress for son Jake’s wedding to “Stranger Things” star Millie Bobby Brown, also in a customized gown from the Tel Aviv-based luxury label. In New York City, there's a “mother of the bride”-focused boutique, Flora on Madison dedicated to “mothers of the bride” and related special guests.
“I've spoken to a few [bridal] designers that say the moms are buying dresses more expensive than the bride's wedding dress,” adds Pierre-Louis. “It’s just like, ‘My child's getting married and it's my day, too.”
Banish the Term ‘Mother of the Bride’
Don’t get caught up in the “mother of the bride” terminology and marketing, and, when online shopping, avoid searching the phrase at all costs.
“The first thing that comes up is the standard traditional [department store] looks,” says Pierre-Louis. “And then they think that's what they have to wear.”
Try shopping where you normally do — especially if you're working with a non-traditional dress code — and find an elevated piece that feels fitting for the special occasion, be it Net-a-Porter or Anthropologie. “Find something that's nice, that's not even labeled ‘mother of the bride,’” says Pierre-Louis. “It could be labeled ‘Summer Casual’ and it works perfectly.”
If you’re shopping in-person, Pierre-Louis recommends going to the good old department store, like Saks Fifth Avenue, Bloomingdales, or Nordstrom, and seek the help of the in-store stylist. Do not say you’re shopping for “a mother of the bride” look.
“I would just say, ‘I’m looking for a dress within whatever dress code.’ Can you help me find a dress for that?’” says Pierre-Louis. “Because I feel like when someone says mother of the bride, it has this connotation of, ‘Oh, let's get a cape.’” Plus, the strategy avoids a sales associate pushing you toward the most expensive option or “the wedding upcharge,” as Pierre-Louis puts it.
Plus, the shopping strategy comes from the most trusted shopping expert: Pierre-Louis’s own mom. “My mom is a very efficient person. She's like, ‘I don't want to waste my time, so I'm gonna ask them for help,’” says Pierre-Louis.
Game the System
For those of us with Bergdorf Goodman tastes but more of a Macy’s budget, Pierre-Louis has an online shopping strategy that will pay off beyond the wedding day.
Find and bookmark all the aspirational looks you want, budget be damned. Then, make a list of all the desired details, like color, print, silhouette, sleeve length, neckline, embellishments, etc.
“Do a Google search with those keywords, and a price point, like ‘under $300,’ to find a dress that's similar,” says Pierre-Louis. “You won't get the exact dress, obviously, but you'll be surprised.”
Or, you don’t even need to buy a new look. Shop your closet, as they say, and restyle pieces with on-theme accessories. ‘The whole trend for summer weddings are beaded, chunky necklaces,” says Pierre-Louis.
Remember the Main Goal
But whether you’re fulfilling the dress code for Wes Anderson Summer Camp (yes, this is a thing) or “Miami Vice” Pastel Bender (obviously, I made that one up), always remember the absolute most important things:
“Have fun. Just don't feel uncomfortable,” says Pierre-Louis — and co-signed by me. “Can you dance in the look? Can you move? Can you stand up? Can you sit down? If you can't, don't wear it.”
In the meantime, I’m awaiting a mood board highlighting “California Casual2” for my cousin’s kid’s August wedding.
Please note: Occasionally, we use affiliate links on our site, but the picks are objectively our recommendations for what we’d buy ourselves.
We are two Gen X journalists who celebrate people of our generation doing cool things, as well as analyze all the '80s and '90s nostalgia in current pop culture, fashion, and beauty. Read more stories like this one here!
You Oughta Know
This year’s Tribeca Film Fest, starting June 4, offers up multiple documentaries about ‘80s and ‘90s music that will inevitably end up at a streamer near you. They sound amazing: Billy Idol Should Be Dead, Boy George & Culture Club, Counting Crows: Have You Seen Me Lately? (eh, maybe I’m skipping this one), Move Ya Body: The Birth of House, Metallica Saved My Life, Billy Joel: And So It Goes. Most intriguing to this lady who wore out her Depeche Mode: 101 VHS tape? Depeche Mode: M. -CW [Tribeca Film]
Kea-news! The news here is that Reeves can look good in both beat-up biker boots and a $5000 Brunello Cucinelli suit. Come for elegant Keanu, stay for prose like this: “He wears clothes like he lives his life: unbothered, unfussy, and with quiet conviction.” -CW [GQ]
Speaking of, WNVM guardian angel Keanu plays an actual one in Aziz Ansari’s Good Fortune. Out on Oct. 17, the comedy co-stars Seth Rogen and Sandra Oh as a heavenly colleague. Keanu also looks great in a trench and angel wings. -FSH [Good Fortune trailer.]
Public Enemy’s Chuck D, who is touring and releasing new music, talks about ageism in the youth-oriented genre of hip hop and how “there’s no classification for classic hop-hop.“ He sees rock acts like Green Day and Guns ‘n’ Roses (who he’s touring with) embarking on nostalgia tours, and he’d like to see pioneering hip hop acts get the same respectful “classic rock” treatment. “The ism of ageism is up there with sexism and racism. Ageism is derailing elders,” he told Spin. -CW [Spin]
Top Gun 3 apparently has a story framework, so the movie is happening. “It’s not hard to crack,” said writer-producer Christopher McQuarrie. Yes: Show hot guys playing sports in sand with their shirts off. (Hollywood, hire me.) Related, Miles Teller and Glen Powell will reportedly be returning to the franchise. -CW [The Hollywood Reporter]
Netflix is rebooting “Star Search,” the ‘80s/’90s show in which Alanis Morrissette, Aaliyah, Beyoncé, and Britney Spears all lost, proving that perhaps audience voters don’t know what they’re talking about. Presumably they will hire a better host than the perennially uncool Ed McMahon. (I do worry about the internet judging a bunch of teen talents. This may not end well.) -CW [The Hollywood Reporter]
It’s like Fashion Week, but all wedding-wear.
Cheryl says she’d wear shorts and flip flops.
It’s gorgeous! (And I just got last minute tickets for the Boy George showing. I cannot pass up a doc and I actually don’t know that much about him!)
I’ve styled a friend (who happened to be the mom of the groom) in a long floral dress from my dress archives, and it was so rewarding to see her feeling sexy, yet also comfortable and confident. I love theme anything (see my recent Pop Art-themed outfit), but I haven’t been to a wedding myself in years! Boo!
I’m seeing Public Enemy in September at Rifflandia (a music festival in my town), can’t wait!! Yes to anti-ageism BS!
Thanks so much, Fawnia and Cheryl! I just love your newsletters.💕